The grief associated with the loss of a favourite pet can be overwhelming. TheraTails offers a safe space to help the healing process.
For so many of us, our animals were our only living source of warmth and love during lockdown. Screen interactions may have helped us to maintain contact with friends and family but they also reminded us that we couldn’t hug, or touch. Animals became the only providers of physical support and closeness.
Attachment to animals is a strange thing, at once simple and complex. We often value these relationships just because they are so straightforward. They aren’t clouded with moods, expectations, suspicions; pets don’t play games or cut off contact; they don’t say one thing and mean the opposite. For those of us who become overwhelmed or overstimulated by other people, animals are a respite.
But beyond the happy daily round of love and food, our mutual dependency deepens. For our animals, we are the sun, moon and stars. My cats think I can turn off the rain and they get annoyed with me when I don’t. In turn, we project our most desired qualities onto our pets (so cute! so loving!) or maybe things we don’t like so much in ourselves but can find sweet and quirky at a distance (so chunky! so anxious!).
Over time, we entwine ourselves together with our animals and they become a sort of mirror self, reflecting back our own emotions and helping us manage and contain them. For some, the unconditional regard our pets offer us is something they always wanted and never had as children. For others, animals replace a much-loved partner or parent, or hold memories of a special person. The relationship is profound; and so can be the sense of loss when an animal is gone.
Grief and Loss
Anecdotally, I had heard of the trauma around the last trip to the vets; and what psychologists call complicated grief around the death of an animal, the sense of loss that is mixed up with pain and anger and seems to endure and worsen rather than get better with time. It can seem like the emotional pain will never end.
TheraTails Support Group
I currently provide clinical oversight of TheraTails which is run in partnership with the SPCA. We have noticed that those who work and volunteer at the SPCA are often exposed to the sharp end of separation and loss. They have felt helpless and despairing both for the animals and for the humans they encounter. After discussion with my co-therapists, we decided there was a need for a group that addressed the issue of animal loss and bereavement. Like all trauma, the attitudes of those around you can reopen the wound: people are told to “just get another pet,” as if loved ones can be easily replaced; or are made to feel that their sorrow is excessive, or strange.
Through TheraTails we will be running a pilot group once a week at the SPCA, free of charge. The group will help people process and find support around experiences of losing an animal. We will also provide a one-off individual session if needed. We are open to all referrals but we hope to prioritise those who depend greatly on their animals; those who are perhaps more isolated or alone; or those who would hesitate to access therapy in the ordinary way, maybe for financial or cultural reasons.
If you are interested in learning more, for yourself or for someone you know, please contact us via Facebook or email events@spca.bm